Boundaries help us know who we are, as well as who we are not. When we locate where we end, we find that we have freedom to choose to reach across the healthy boundary line and choose to meet others in vulnerable places of need (their needs and our needs).
In contrast to the bodiless chalk outlines of a crime scene murder victim, boundaries bring life. So, I’m sharing some quotes from Henry Cloud’s book about boundaries, entitled Changes That Heal. Brain food. Emotional food. Spiritual food.
“God is a bonded person. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are always connected; they have an eternal “oneness.” However, just as unity is the most basic quality God possesses, he has diversity within this unity. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are distinct, separate persons. They are not “fused” in a way that they lose their individual identity. They have boundaries between them. They each have their own talents, responsibilities, wills, and personalities. They can be in different places at the same time, and they can be doing different things without losing relationship…. We are to master the art of “being me without losing you.” pp. 94-95
“If we take responsibility for our feelings, we can use them to solve problems.” p.128
“When we look further at crossed boundaries, we see that we often do not own our own attitudes; instead, we take responsibility for the attitudes of others. People often complain how this person or that person is “putting expectations” on them, as if an expectation were something you could Velcro to someone’s brain…. Whenever we feel “victimized” by another’s expectations, we need to find the attitude that’s allowing us to feel pressured by that expectation.” p.129
“Our sense of being able to own our own behavior is critical for having a sense of power and a sense of control over our lives.” p.132
“As with feelings and attitudes, we must own our own thoughts. Our thoughts have much bearing on our emotional growth…. Our thinking affects how we respond to people and situations…. We must own all thinking that prevents interpersonal relating. Condemning thoughts about others always hurt us. We must own our critical thinking and confess it, allowing God to change the way we think. At the same time, we can’t be responsible for the thoughts of others. If someone is thinking good or bad about us, we must accept it. We can try to affect it, but we can’t control it. We must give people the freedom to think what they will. Ask Jesus. People had some pretty crazy notions about him, which he allowed.” p.134-135
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